Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Duggars

I am sure that most people have read by now that Michelle Duggar who was expecting her 20th child has experienced a second trimester loss. At what should have been 19 weeks when they went in for a routine check up (what I assume after reading the article was their anatomy scan, since they should have been able to find out the sex) they discovered the heartbreaking news that their baby had passed away.

I can not begin to say how heartbroken I am for the family.
I know that my losses were early but the moment I knew I was pregnant I was in love with that little person growing inside me. That was my child and I would do anything to protect him/her. The moment I knew I was pregnant my dreams started racing about what they would be like, what we would name him or her, how we would decorate the nursery, etc.
When both those miscarriages happened I had to bury that dream and grieve over a life that had not even had a chance to get started, and a child that I already so deeply loved. (I miss those children that should have been but thank God everyday for my little rainbow baby on the way!)

What upsets me most about this situation and them being in the media light is the heartless comments that people make. As if it wasn't bad enough that people made comments about how "she should just get fixed" when they announced that baby number 20 was on the way. Comments are now being made like "well they should have expected it after what happened last time" or "maybe they should take it as a sign and just focus on and feel blessed by the children they have".
I don't understand such comments.
And what really annoys me about these commentators is when women who say "I should not be told what to do with MY body because it's MINE" then turn around and say the above about Mrs. Duggar "getting fixed". It's so hypocritical, you can try and argue that you say it because of the risk that it could possibly pose to future children/pregnancies but the fact is that it is still HER body and SHE is the only one who can choose what to do with it.
Just because you don't agree with their life style/parenting choice doesn't mean you should try and just tear them down. And I am sure that she has a doctor who talks to her about risks and complications.

I saw somebody say "Well I expected it to happen since her last baby was born so early and had so many problems". But just because she had one rough pregnancy does not mean that all or any subsequent pregnancy would have issues. This pregnancy could have been her easiest ever but sadly that is not what was planned.

I have no doubt in my mind that the family will get through this time together and be stronger because of it, because they have such faith in God.

(Please note I know people are allowed to have and express their opinion on things but I don't understand just plain being mean and heartless when a family is grieving.)


  1. I was just saying this on the phone to one of my girlfriends. I agree with you 100%. Opinions aside, no one, NO ONE should have to suffer through a miscarriage. My heart goes out to Michelle and her family as they grieve.

  2. I agree, especially about how it is HER body and she has the right to do what she wants with it.

  3. 100% agree, my heart breaks for them and I get so angry at the cold heartedness of those posting mean comments. Not only because of it being cruel to parents that just lost a child, but also for any others that have suffered a loss (myself included) and have to wonder if those commenters would also judge them for their losses.

  4. I hear you on this.

    I think there are a lot of reasons people say mean things. In this case, I think some people are truly ignorant about how any miscarriage can affect women who are eagerly awaiting the child growing inside of them. More so, I think most people who say such things purely think having that many kids is crazy. They put themselves in the shoes of the Duggar parents and think "there is no way I could do that", and most don't want to. It all boils down to whether or not you think children are a blessing and something that should be celebrated or whether you primarily think they are a burden (on the parents, on the family, on society).

    If you take the perspective that children are a burden, it's easy to imagine being curt about the loss of one, after all (they say) it's just "tissue".

    I think there's just a fundamental difference between people who appreciate the gift of children and those who don't.

  5. I agree that people view life and children differently but personal view of that aside if the person who it has happened to believes that life starts at conception and is grieving you should be supportive of them during that time.

    Again, just a moment ago on a parenting website I saw a mom who is pregnant. Said, "It is very sad BUT (see there's that stupid but) I think it should definitely be a sign to close up shop and take care of her other 19 kids and stop exploiting her family!"
    Comments like that disgust me, if somebody said anything remotely close to what she just said to her she would flip! Essentially in my eyes that woman there just said she deserved to have this miscarriage and that she does not take adequate care of her children nor does she appreciate them.

    I know that such subjects really get to me because I have a personal connection but ugh people disgust me with this.

  6. I agree with your post 100% and regardless of our own personal choices as far as family goes I can't imagine why any one would want to make mean remarks when a family is in pain like this. It is just beyond my comprehension! BTW, I am new to your blog and should say congrats on your sweet expectation!

  7. I agree with you. It irks me though, that the public is so aware of her miscarriage and going to be grieving with her when the rest of us suffer in silence through ours. There are so many other miscarriage mamas out there. I just wish the world acknowledged all of us and how much it really hurts.