Sunday, May 4, 2014

Bereaved Mothers Day

Today is Star Wars day for me and my family so it will be a busy day but I want to take a moment to address something of a more somber tone, one that greatly impacted my life just a few short years ago and to this day effects many friends, and will in the future effect many more.

For many today is a day known as Bereaved Mothers Day.  
A day when mothers who have lost a child sometimes their only child, for mothers who have fought for years to have a child and had to let go of that dream in part or maybe even in whole, to be acknowledged.
A day not recognized or known by many but those who celebrate it and come together in support of one another today. I was once part of that group, I mean technically you never leave the group but now it is different for me. 

It's a day I don't like to acknowledge. 
Put your pitchfork down for a moment and let me explain just why…

I believe that motherhood starts in the heart. 
The moment a woman decides she wants to conceive a child, birth it, raise it as the saying goes "forever have her heart walk outside her body" that's when the journey starts. 
Many will never reach the physical manifestation of this goal, others will see it ripped away from them just as life was starting, others will lose a child in older age. 
The pain is different, but the pain is the same.

I don't like to recognize today simple because it shows a divide. 
A divide not truly needed. It further separates the "haves" from the "have nots". 
Yes in some cases it allows for extra support for those (bereaved) mothers who need it but how much more special would it be to take a moment to actually acknowledge them on the same day the rest of the country acknowledges mothers with living children? 
To say "I'm thinking of you today because you are special just like me! We have the same love in our hearts whether it can be seen or not." Acknowledging those mothers on a day most people wouldn't would mean the world to them. It may sting a little but it's because grief and love cause us to hurt. And you know what, there are those mothers who would prefer to hide and be left alone. You would have to gage those individuals as yes thou could based off how well you know them. But I believe even they would feel good hearing the acknowledgment (but I could be wrong).
There is nothing wrong with bereaved mothers day or choosing to 'celebrate' it, but after having been in the group and now being to stand with the other side as well I can see the true segregation, and I don't like it. It's like putting others up on a pedestal because of having living children and it's not right.

Again, it is wonderful to bring light to the pain that all mothers feel from loss or infertility, great strides have been made over the last few years to bring more awareness on both fronts (re: pregnancy loss and infertility) but uniting as one front and giving love, support, and acknowledging ALL mothers on the 'official' Mothers Day each year could make a larger impact if you act me. Which is why for the last two-ish years on Mothers Day I have made a point to get onto my Facebook and leave a long message sending love and support to all Mothers. Mothers Days is about all of us.

[Photo Credit: D. Antonia Truesdale of The Midnight Orange sculptures]